Beyond Borders

courage. faith. action.

Thirty-One Days Walking Through Darkness Day Eighteen :: He meets Me in My Mourning

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20121018-121440.jpgI had just witnessed a miracle. I watched the love of God at work, as my little girl faced her fear. There are no words to describe what it’s like to stand in His presence. To see Him. Watch Him move through a room. To see His power breathed through the lips of a child. There are no words. It’s just glory. All glory.

The worship leader opens with Yahweh, Yahweh! We love to shout your name oh, Lord! And I want to shout. I just witnessed a miracle. And the joy spills out. It’s all glory. The words slide into you alone can rescue, you alone can save, you alone can lift us from the grave… These words stop my heart. They are etched there. Intertwined with bittersweet memories.

At this time last year, this song played over and over every time the car was started. My little girl preparing for the Christmas program. The one where she becomes a conqueror. No words more relevant for that week. They played in the car that morning. The long drive to the hospital. And again that night on the was drive back home. Daddy in heaven. Me numb. The sky midnight black and crystal clear. Stars bright and shimmery. It all seemed surreal. Her voice breaks through the silence… you alone can rescue, you alone can save, you alone can lift us from the grave, You came down to find us, led us out of death to You alone belongs the highest praise…

Then they come. These words… There is strength within the sorrow, there is beauty in our tears, you meet us in our mourning with a love that casts out fear… You are with us in the fire and the flood… You are sovereign over us. And it is all I can do to stop the flood. And I just want to run.

This song. These words. They bring to mind the verses He gave days before my daddy would slip beyond. And the same verses my sister would see upon leaving the hospital the night before his last day. The knowing that this was the end. And I don’t want to remember. And I think why today? Why this week? I want to run.

But then it comes, the pastor teaches from psalm 146 and 147. I was glued to every word, but I don’t remember much. Except for this… Praise the Lord. He speaks of those who have passed on. How to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. How Jesus will come and those that have fallen asleep will rise first, and then those who are alive will be caught up together in the clouds and so we shall forever be with the Lord. Praise the Lord.

And its just that. The why… He loves me too much. He meets me in my mourning. He is sanctifying me. And beyond my understanding He is teaching me to trust.

And God whispers, I’m here.
I am right here.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Isaiah 43:2

Author: Shelly Richardson

A stay at home mom, married to my best friend, who loves like Jesus. Together we have four beautiful daughters. One biological, one adopted and two by way of marriage. Our 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when she was 6 years old and our youngest was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. I have dealt with chronic illness most of my life and at times has been debilitating. It is through this illness and the special needs of our children that drew us closer to God. Beyond Borders is the place where I write out my story of living beyond my borders. A place to share of God’s love and grace, His mercy and sovereignty, and what that looks like in my own little world of chronic illness and autism. A place where courage and faith intersect and He moves me to action. My hope in writing is that you find something that inspires you. Encourages you. Makes you smile.

One thought on “Thirty-One Days Walking Through Darkness Day Eighteen :: He meets Me in My Mourning

  1. Pingback: Thirty-one Days Walking Through Dark « Beyond Borders

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