Beyond Borders

courage. faith. action.

Thirty-One Days Walking Through Darkness Day Eleven :: Time Travel… Not Just for Sci-Fi Movies

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20121011-134802.jpgGrief. It’s sneaks in when I least expect it. It may be the rustle of leaves as the wind blows. The color of sky at sunset. The smile on her face as she turns and it’s just like his.

There is no warning. No flashing lights. No signs saying wrong way. It happens in an a blink. Suddenly I am a time traveller. Falling through time. Falling back to that day. It’s incredible the details the mind can hold onto. They are vivid. And I am standing right there. Stroking his forehead. his skin is moist. Does he see me?

Memories so alive it’s as if I exist in two periods of time. The raw emotion burns as it spills. There is no stopping it. It crashes right through a day. Sometimes it’s fleeting. And I am back in the present as quickly as I left. Then there are the times it suspends, not letting go. It seems days before I return.

Time travel. It’s exhausting. If I chose to let it rule there would be nothing left of me. And yes, I was stuck there for a while. Choosing to be a time traveller. Longing to be back there. Wanting to stay.

I am thankful for a God who chooses for me. He teaches me time travel is a gift. That grief will is sneaky. That I never know when it is coming. But He teaches me that I can be in control. By choosing. Choosing to give it to Him. Daily. So when it does come… I don’t forget the hope. The joy. That is Him.

God, are you there?
I’m here.
I am right here.

Author: Shelly Richardson

A stay at home mom, married to my best friend, who loves like Jesus. Together we have four beautiful daughters. One biological, one adopted and two by way of marriage. Our 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when she was 6 years old and our youngest was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. I have dealt with chronic illness most of my life and at times has been debilitating. It is through this illness and the special needs of our children that drew us closer to God. Beyond Borders is the place where I write out my story of living beyond my borders. A place to share of God’s love and grace, His mercy and sovereignty, and what that looks like in my own little world of chronic illness and autism. A place where courage and faith intersect and He moves me to action. My hope in writing is that you find something that inspires you. Encourages you. Makes you smile.

5 thoughts on “Thirty-One Days Walking Through Darkness Day Eleven :: Time Travel… Not Just for Sci-Fi Movies

  1. Pingback: Thirty-one Days Walking Through Dark « Beyond Borders

  2. Love this one because it is so right, so true. driving to work the other morning I saw a truck like my sons and i lost it. it happens frequently, I look for things,men that remind me of him, I want to be reminded, to remember, I dont want to forget. It has been 16 months since my son and his fiance’ we killed. he had just turned 38 she was 27. thank you again

    • Gayle, I am sorry for your loss. That must have been devastating. How true we fight to remember, but the truth is we will never forget… They are with us always.

  3. I know how you feel honey, I am constantly back there, that day I’m afraid will be with me forever. He knew we were there I feel so sure of that. Those last few seconds I told him that you all were there, and he shook his head he knew, he knew!!! I know that the Lord gave us those last few seconds to assure us of that. I know that he heard you say goodbye, he shook his head with so much effort. Especially when I told him he was going to see Jesus now. He loved us all and he knew that we loved him. God knows our hearts and He promises us that He will bring us through this. Phil. 4:13. I love you baby and I am so proud of you!! Love MOM

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