There is no warning. No flashing lights. No signs saying wrong way. It happens in an a blink. Suddenly I am a time traveller. Falling through time. Falling back to that day. It’s incredible the details the mind can hold onto. They are vivid. And I am standing right there. Stroking his forehead. his skin is moist. Does he see me?
Memories so alive it’s as if I exist in two periods of time. The raw emotion burns as it spills. There is no stopping it. It crashes right through a day. Sometimes it’s fleeting. And I am back in the present as quickly as I left. Then there are the times it suspends, not letting go. It seems days before I return.
Time travel. It’s exhausting. If I chose to let it rule there would be nothing left of me. And yes, I was stuck there for a while. Choosing to be a time traveller. Longing to be back there. Wanting to stay.
I am thankful for a God who chooses for me. He teaches me time travel is a gift. That grief will is sneaky. That I never know when it is coming. But He teaches me that I can be in control. By choosing. Choosing to give it to Him. Daily. So when it does come… I don’t forget the hope. The joy. That is Him.
God, are you there?
I am right here.