Beyond Borders

courage. faith. action.

Thirty-one Days Walking Through Darkness Day Six :: Thoughts Are Reckless

9 Comments

20121006-101757.jpgFor days I search the Internet, scour articles, define medical terms, research drugs, their effects and interactions. The needle pierced, my world shifted and the answer had to be there. There had to be something, someone to blame. My thoughts consumed. I need to know.

Thoughts are reckless. They can tear us down. Bind us, stop us from moving. This is why Paul tells us think on these things…

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise…

Think on these things.

These things.

I am searching for answers. Worldly answers to a divine question. Why did my daddy die? Why now? Why did happen like this? Why could I not be at his bed side when his last breath was drawn?

Why?

God, are you there?
I’m here. I am right here.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Isaiah 43:2

Author: Shelly Richardson

A stay at home mom, married to my best friend, who loves like Jesus. Together we have four beautiful daughters. One biological, one adopted and two by way of marriage. Our 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when she was 6 years old and our youngest was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. I have dealt with chronic illness most of my life and at times has been debilitating. It is through this illness and the special needs of our children that drew us closer to God. Beyond Borders is the place where I write out my story of living beyond my borders. A place to share of God’s love and grace, His mercy and sovereignty, and what that looks like in my own little world of chronic illness and autism. A place where courage and faith intersect and He moves me to action. My hope in writing is that you find something that inspires you. Encourages you. Makes you smile.

9 thoughts on “Thirty-one Days Walking Through Darkness Day Six :: Thoughts Are Reckless

  1. Pingback: Thirty-one Days Walking Through Dark « Beyond Borders

  2. I understand how it feels to lose someone you love and not be able to say good-bye and not be able to do anything about it and feeling like “if only…” I lost my dear brother when he was only 38 to sudden death from a heart attack 25 years ago, last September 11.

    He hadn’t been feeling well… why didn’t he go to the emergency room? why did he have to run 80 miles a week? Why didn’t he head the warning a year previous when he collapsed at his health club?

    why, why, why…

    Honey, difficult as it is (and I do this too…) there are no if onlys. There was nothing you could’ve done. It was just his time, that’s all… and it is not for us to know or even understand why the time is any time for any of us other than what it was.

    If my brother had not died, I would not have had my beautiful son, Cale. The world would not get the extreme pleasure of hearing him play his trombone like an angel. If I had not had Cale, I wouldn’t have had my other beautiful son, Aaron, who plays his guitar like another angel. I would not have known what it is like to have a child with special needs. I would not have met so many wonderful people because that world would’ve been foreign to me. I would not have gone back to school, for I took the money from my inheritance to actually do something that NOW, I am unbelievably grateful for, as I have a way to support myself! If I had not gone to interior design school, I wouldn’t have had this career or this blog and I wouldn’t be writing to you, right now. (or the other day, either!) Did my brother have to die so all of that could happen? no. but it doesn’t change the fact that his death changed the course of my life and that of many other people as well. When one looks at it like that, the cycle of life takes on a greater meaning, I think. We are all teeny tiny specs in a vast Universe and each of us is inter-connected with the other in ways that is not ours to understand.

    Sweet Shelly, your father did not die. He lives inside you and will until the day you take your last breath and then, you will be together, again for all eternity. I know its not the same and I understand the fervent, unfulfillable longing—and intense grief–loss… but just know that God IS with you and IS showing you the way…

    There is always a way, but we have to be willing to open our hearts to accept what we know is right–even if what is right is not what we really wanted to happen. Sometimes we just can’t make what we want work, no matter how hard we tried. For me, that was leaving my husband. I did not want to accept it. I fought it with everything I had. I tried to find a way, but it wasn’t the right way. There was only one way out. Only one way that will afford me the chance to truly be all that I can be–the chance that I might be able to live the life of my dreams. I will pray that in time, when the time is right, you will be able to do that too!

    with love ~ Laurel

    • I love this Laurel! There is one simple answer… God wanted to take him home. His work on earth was done. It’s funny how the heart an mind disconnect. It’s the reconnecting that takes time. Oh, how I know God is right there! Thank you Laurel!

  3. I meant find your way out, not that you needed to do as I’m doing. The way out for you might be in some other form.

  4. Hello I am visiting via the Nester’s 31 days series. Your series is so inspirational and fills me with deep thoughts and new prayers.

    I too am participating in the series. My topic is “Decor To Adore~ finding your style”. I would like to invite you to stop by anytime.

    Have a beautiful day and a wonderful fall season.

  5. Shelly, I forgot to tell you something. You can see it on my blog. Remember that I said that my brother died on September 11, 1987? Yes, on that day 25 years ago. Well the year before he went on a trip to New Zealand and last summer when I was helping my mom right after she moved,(she’s going to be 90 in 12 days!) I was going through some old photos that had been in her basement. They had been recovered from my brother’s home and sat there for 25 years! Some of them I had never seen before. Here’s the link and scroll down and you will see my beautiful, VERY handsome brother standing in front of a home. I got the most intense chills when I saw this— notice please the address of the home.

    http://www.laurel-home.com/blog/2012/09/11/the-laurel-home-shop-and-don/

    Thank you for your kind words. ~ Laurel

    PS: I changed my photo, but its still me! :]

  6. Pingback: Thirty-one Days Walking Through Darkness Day Nineteen :: The Needle Pierced « Beyond Borders

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