In my strength I can do nothing. Nothing is possible. When I take control everything falls apart. Everything. The times I believe I am giving it to Him, I am not truly giving. I am asking Him to come along and do it my way. Exactly the way I want. What fits within my borders. My borders, whether they have been there twenty years, or just under construction, they are still my borders. Borders built in my own strength. Self limiting to what I feel is good and right for me. Whether they are justified or not. They are still. My. Borders.
I laugh as write these words, because I know what comes next. I know it all to well. The battle. Tug of war. Flesh against spirit. It never ends. A constant in my life.
Flesh: “You cannot do what He is asking. Really? Does He not realize your limitations.” Border. “You know that this relationship will be hard.” Border. “You can do this on your own.” Border. “He is not looking out for your best interests.” Border. “He must not love you if He wants you to go through this pain.” Border. “Do not let Him get close.” Border.
Spirit: “Stop. Now. You do trust Him. You know there is nothing bigger, stronger, smarter than Him. You know that without Him nothing is. With Him everything is. That he knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you and wants what’s best for you.”
These borders created in my own strength, my flesh, they are a mockery to God. They tell Him that I am more important, bigger, smarter, stronger than Him. I do not trust Him. I place myself above Him.
So why the constant battle? Flesh against Spirit? My ways against His ways? Simply put… I am a sinner. As a sinner my tendency is toward self protection, building my borders, choosing what is best for me. But… the more I grow closer to Him, trust Him, the borders he has created for me, I let go of mine. Perhaps one day, I will no longer prepare to battle Him, fight to the end (I know He always wins) and I will just submit.
In my dim vision, I cannot see the big picture, the epic film of my life. The life He has planned for me. But I am learning to be content with the not knowing. Learning to trust, to let go of my borders. Though the fear is there, lingering, I am excited about what is to come.
I can do all things hrough Him who strengthens me.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.”
Today, I leave you with a song, that really puts my hearts cry into words.
Strong Enough – Matthew West
Day One :: The Beginning
Day Two :: Abide
Day Three :: In My Strength
Day Four :: He Equips
Day Five :: Embrace
Day Six :: Belonging
Day Seven :: Rise
Day Sixteen :: How Great is Our God
Day Seventeen :: Stuck